2020/03/18 💡️ Evil Leadership
I recently had the pleasure of being a performer at Evil Expo 2020 in New Jersey, wherein I appeared on two panels: Talent Management in an Evil Organization and Creating Well-rounded Villains.
To help prepare for these sessions, I started writing a script as if I were the guest speaker at a management conference for evil leaders, villains, and Darkly-dark Overlords of All They Survey. I covered this only very, very briefly on the panel as Adam J. Brunner and Dr. Evil (Now known as Dr. Discord), and I dove into the discussion of the various types of minions, henchmen, and disreputable associates evil leaders often employ.
I haven’t worked it any further, but I thought you might enjoy this riff on management advice.
Evil Leadership
There are many different kinds of organizations, companies, cults, etc.… and for each, there are a variety of different types of leaders. Now, depending on your goals, and honestly, whose goals matter more than yours?
No one’s, that’s who. Remember, it’s always about you.
But I digress, your goals will inform your decision about how you will structure your evil enterprise and what sort of evil staff you will require. Before we profile the typical talent types you will demand work in your evil org., you, as Evil leaders, should take stock of your responsibilities
I know, I know, responsibilities are a trap. Responsibilities are what heroes have. Responsibilities tie you down, limit your options, etc., etc., etc.
Responsibilities PITOOIE!
But I am not talking about “responsibility” responsibilities. I am talking about your responsibilities to yourself and to achieving your evil designs. If you are going to end up having responsibilities anyway, they, like everything else, should be all about you.
Am I right? Of course, I am! Anyone who disagrees will be dealt with!
What are the responsibilities in Evil Leadership? In my work with myriads of dread lords and assorted Darkly-dark types over the eons, I learned that this consists of five key aspects: Awareness, Vision, Imagination, Accountability, and Execution. All five aspects need to be evaluated at the individual, organizational, and societal levels.
After-all, Evil is not done is a vacuum.
I am quickly going to review each area and the sort of questions you should be asking. As we review, try answering the questions.
Awareness refers to increasing your knowledge about what is going on. It helps you understand others in terms of how they may impact you and your devious plans.
Awareness of self: How could I be even more impressive than I already am? Let’s concede that it is impossible because you are the best there ever was, is, or will be, but there’s no harm in asking. Let’s not forget when the Evil Queen asked the Magic Mirror the question “Magic Mirror in my hand, who is the fairest in the land?” The mirror replied: “My Queen, you are the fairest here so true. But Snow White beyond the mountains at the Seven Dwarfs is a thousand times more beautiful than you.” And thus, the Evil Queen was made aware of a threat to her self image. Forwarned, she was also able to address this distressing issue. Let that be a lesson to us all.
Awareness of your group: How can I enhance knowledge of what is happening in my evil organization? How can I be sure my assorted henchmen, minions, and varied “resources” are executing my desires? Are they betraying me or just incompetent?
Awareness about society as a whole: How can I increase my knowledge of what is happening in the world around me? Who are my enemies? What are they doing? How close are they to foiling my brilliantly dark plans?
Vision is self-explanatory. It speaks to your strategic goals. This is both an exercise in visualization and in knowing what results you are working towards when all is said and done
Vision of Self: How do I envision myself in five years? Obviously, lording over your vanquished foes, but you may want to flesh out a broader vision.
Vision of your group: How do I envision my evil organization in three, five, or ten years?
Vision of society as a whole: What is my vision for the planet five or ten years from now? I mean, will there even be one left? Do you even care?
Vision is what helps you stay focused, to keep your eyes on the prize. For example, Thanos had a very clear vision. He envisioned himself living the peaceful life of a simple farmer. As for his organization, at least 50% will be sacrificed for the greater good. As for his vision for all life, there would be A LOT less of it. Of course, based on unforeseen circumstances, Thanos had to adjust his vision and make a play to destroy all life. It’s important to stay flexible as the situation on the ground, as they say, may be less than optimal.
Imagination. Solid world-changing villainy requires creativity.
Imagining yourself: Could I see myself being a different person, a different manager, a different leader? Probably not, but could you do something different in your villainy? Change things up a bit to confound your enemies? Perhaps add a bit of flair. Instead of minimizing monuments and stealing them, you aim to steal the moon instead.
Imagining your group: Could my evil corporation have different values? Or any values for that matter? Could they possibly become competent?
Imagining Society: What kind of society do we want to leave in your wake? What kind of world do you want to leave the descendants of the survivors? Do we want to leave any society at all? Will there be survivors much less the descendants of the survivors? Do you even care?
Accountability. It’s a big concept. It is the state of being accountable, liable, or answerable for the results of the actions taken or not taken. Simply put, whose throat do you choke?
Personal Accountability: Though I cannot fix everything that is wrong with the world due to the incompetency of others, how can I maintain and extend my own sense of authority as an evil leader?
Organizational Accountability: Who can I hold to account for the team’s behavior and failures? How can I create sustainability within my organization so that it may execute my villainous strategy successfully throughout all levels of its implementation? This is where having identified Lieutenants helps because they are the go-to throat to choke. A strong lieutenant, like Number One, who as able to not only hold Dr. Evil’s, no relation to this Dr. Evil, organization together and diversify it into the growing tech sector and built a sizable multinational corporation.
Societal Accountability: Instead of only privatizing gains and externalizing losses, how can I ensure that my evil organization has the impact on society I desire? To what degree should I hold society accountable? A great deal, no doubt, but should you reduce it to a smoking ash-heap or merely restructure it in your image?
Finally, Execution. It sounds like so much fun! Execution is required for success. Without Execution, all you have is your dream, very dark twisted dreams.
Individual Execution: How can I compel others to follow me?
Organizational Execution: How can I force my assorted minions, henchmen, and hangers-on to anticipate my every order and promptly fulfill my desire?
Societal Execution: How can I establish a social environment where no one questions me, always does as told, and dreads failing me?
All this thinking, all the questioning, and answering are excellent in so far as it helps you refine what villainous resource you need to get the job done. That’s what you’re here for, isn’t it? You want to know the ins and out of evil talent acquisition and management.
Very well, let’s start by examining the kinds of resources you can acquire.
I like to look at villainous resource types as a pyramid. You, the arch-villain, subjugator of all, master of mayhem, a high priest of darkness, the Darkly-Dark Duke or Duchess of Darkness, are at the very top. You are at the pinnacle. Never let anyone forget it!
